


Cocoon

by The_Writer_Of_Many_Things



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SHINee
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Scenario, jk i'm not that good at writing haha, probably too sad to handle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 00:43:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6064315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Writer_Of_Many_Things/pseuds/The_Writer_Of_Many_Things
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Onew's girlfriend is going through a spell of depression and he's determined to help her out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cocoon

If you were a caterpillar, your room was your cocoon and you had no intention of turning into a butterfly anytime in the immediate future.

When a caterpillar spins its cocoon to begin the process of transforming into a butterfly, it essentially turns into goo before fully transitioning. If everything goes right nature gets another exotic and beautiful member of society. Something goes wrong, however, and all that exists is another gooey mess wrapped up in itself. Here you were, a pile of goo where something had messed up in the transition.

It had been three days. Three days since you’d had interaction with the outside world. Three days since you’d showered. Three days since you’d eaten.

Three days since any semblance of “yourself” had disappeared.

You had no idea what had triggered it this time. It was simply a winding tornado that caught you in its grasp and sent you spiraling down without a warning. Every time it started out as something small, but gradually it would build and build until you couldn’t take it anymore.

Talking to people, even close friends and family, made you irrationally angry, so you closed yourself off to avoid hurting them. If you went to bed late you were tired. If you went to bed early you were tired. Food slowly started to lose its taste. The world around you was losing its vibrancy and there wasn’t anything you could do about it.

Every morning, even when you weren’t feeling like this, you contemplated staying in your bubble. That period of time between when you awoke and when you left your bed was precious and quiet. Sometimes you believed that the day would stand still for you unless you decided to make it move. Your brain decided to test that theory apparently, but time waited for no one and the days dragged on despite your lack of interest.

Somewhere across the room you heard the buzz of your phone. In order to keep yourself from getting upset at someone and saying something you would regret in this state, you made sure to keep your phone on the other side of the room. It lay on your dresser, solitarily keeping guard over you from the watch tower you had left it at three days ago.

The phone triggered thoughts of your loved ones…. Your parents, your best friend, your boyfriend. Had any of them tried to contact you? Part of you ached to know that you were missed, longed to feel important to those who you admired and loved, but your current state of self-loathing and numbness prevented you from reaching out.

Your phone buzzed several times in a row, indicating that someone was calling you. For the first time in nearly twenty-four hours, you lifted your head off the bed to look at your phone, contemplating getting up and answering it. By the time you made the decision to disregard the call, it had stopped ringing. Gently you laid back down, assured that you were still isolated.

You were so lost in your haze of thoughts that you didn’t hear the pounding on your apartment door or the click of a key opening up your home. When your boyfriend walked in it was a surprise, but you didn’t look at him. Your body tensed up as the bubble around your room was popped. Something inside of you broke, and you shuddered as a wave of emotions washed over you.

“_____!” Onew cried as he marched into your room. “_____, are you all right? Why aren’t you answering my phone calls?” He traipsed around to the other side of the bed; if you wouldn’t turn to look at him he would move so you had to meet his eyes.

As he rushed over to you, he caught sight of your breathing and sighed, relieved that you were at least alive. “God, _____, don’t scare me like that, please.” There was a hint of fear in Onew’s voice; it shook briefly as he spoke, something you rarely heard from him. Your boyfriend kept up a façade no matter what, smiling and strong so that other people didn’t have to be. It scared you to see him without his signature smile. Somehow you felt like you had disappointed him; this sadness and concern was for you, and you were worrying him unnecessarily.

Onew crouched down next to the bed and tilted his head so that it was parallel to your own. His soft brown eyes met yours briefly before you darted away. His thumb reached out and stroked your cheek ever so softly. The sudden gesture made you almost burst into tears, so you turned away from him.

“_____, what’s wrong? What is this? Did someone hurt you? Are you sick? Please, talk to me.” He sat on the edge of the bed but made sure to keep his distance, respectful of the fact that you weren’t ready for any physical contact just yet.

“I don’t know,” you whispered into your pillow. Your voice was hoarse and strangled from not having spoken in three days. Even admitting those few words felt like you were staring a dragon in the face, so you tightened your grip on the bedsheets in some vain attempt to give you strength.

Onew cleared his throat and shifted his weight on the bed. Out of the corner of your eye you saw him look around, taking in your mess of a room. You knew he was trying to help, and some part of you reached out for him, but most of you wanted to drive him out of your room and stay in isolation for a week.

“How long has it been since you got out of bed, _____?” Onew said. You could tell he was trying not to sound too concerned but it wasn’t working. God, you hated yourself for making this perfect angel feel bad for you.

“Three days,” you said, muffled by the pillows.

“How long since you’ve eaten? Three days?”

You nodded, aware of just how pitiful you sounded. When Onew said it, the whole affair seemed even more ridiculous than it already was.

Onew moved a little closer to you and leaned over in another attempt to get you to look at him. “What about a shower?” he asked.

You winced, suddenly aware of how awful you must look and smell. Personal hygiene was definitely not at the top of your list of priorities at the moment. “Four days,” you said, although you weren’t quite sure if that was entirely accurate.

“Okay,” sighed Onew. Without another word or a glance back at you, he left the room. You had no idea where he had gone in such a hurry until you heard the faint sound of running water. Rolling over onto your back, you resigned yourself to the fact that he was going to take care of you, whether or not you wanted human contact. Immediately you kicked yourself for thinking such an ungrateful thing about your boyfriend.

A few minutes later, Onew came back into the room. “Time to get up,” he said. Grabbing your hand, he slowly pulled you up into an upright position. Reluctantly, you slid your legs off of the bed and made to stand up, but your body was too weak from hunger and inactivity so your legs collapsed beneath you. Onew caught you quickly, his strong arms supporting your feeble body. He guided you carefully down the hall, your arm slung around his shoulders, his arm wrapped around your waist. You fell a couple more times before you got to the bathroom.

The shower was running, letting off waves of steam that washed over you and warmed your body. Onew had set out fresh towels and washcloths on the counter next to the sink. “If the water is too warm for you, tell me please.”

You gently reached out your hand and felt the water. It was quite hot but not scalding. Normally you didn’t take showers this hot, but you felt like perhaps you could burn away whatever this was that was affecting you. Besides, you hated to cause your boyfriend any more trouble than you already had, so you shook your head. “Thank you,” you whispered.

Onew pressed a soft kiss to your temple. “Take as much time as you need, babe,” he whispered into your hair. Without another word he left the room to give you freedom to undress and shower as needed. You pressed your fingers to the skin where his lips had been, longing to feel his warmth again but scared to see him for fear of disappointing him.

You didn’t necessarily want to go through the effort of cleaning yourself, but some tiny voice at the back of your mind was screaming at you to get better, and you knew that it would help you to relax. It took you nearly ten minutes to get your clothes off and make your way into the shower, but as soon as the warm water washed over you it was as if one of the layers of sadness washed away. The heat made your body shake in its weak state, but the water soothed your muscles. A headache you hadn’t noticed you had slowly disappeared over the course of your shower.

It felt like only a few minutes, but you spent nearly an hour under the running water. More than anything you wanted to cry, but the tears seemed unable to come. You felt upset about everything; your life, your body, your job, your seeming inability to function, the fact that you made Onew go through all of this. If there was a way to magically stop existing without dying, you would have taken it without a second thought.

When you finally emerged from your shower, you noticed that your soft blue bathrobe was lying on the counter next to the towels. It was warmer than it should have been, even if it had sat in the sauna-like room for a while. Onew must have run it through the dryer while you were washing yourself and you had been so absorbed in your thoughts you didn’t hear him enter to leave it for you. As your fingers felt the fabric a smile touched your lips, thoughts of how sweet your boyfriend was dancing through your head.

You traveled from the bathroom to your room to find a comfortable pair of sweatpants and your favorite hoodie (which you had stolen from Onew) lain out on your bed. The clothing was also warm to the touch as you slipped it on, making you sleepy. You laid backwards on the bed with your legs hanging off, knowing that if you crawled back in completely there would be no getting you up this time.

A soft rap on the door announced your boyfriend’s arrival. His face showed a concerned soft smile as he approached you. “Feeling better?” he asked.

“A little,” you answered, sitting up and pulling your legs to your chest. You still felt a little ashamed to look at him; seeing the darkness clouding Onew’s sunshine eyes and knowing it was because of you was equivalent to drowning.

He sat down next to you, still keeping a bit of distance between you. “Do you want to talk about it yet?”

You shook your head. Onew accepted this, and reached over to pull you against him. At first you were willing, but as soon as his warm hands touched your arms you realized how much you missed him. A surge of emotions and a feeling of panic arose, and you pulled away out of fright. You knew once you were in his embrace you would start crying and there would be no way to stop it for at least a couple of hours. At this time you weren’t quite ready for that.

A piece of your heart shattered as you saw Onew’s brow furrow from your recoil. “Please,” you said, rushing to reassure him that it was not his fault. “I… I need this so bad but I’m just not ready. I promise I’m working through it… But as soon as I have physical contact I won’t be able to stop crying. I just need a little longer. I’m sorry.”

Your boyfriend nodded, and instead kissed your forehead. “Would you like something to eat then?” he asked. Although you didn’t feel hungry, you knew that if you didn’t get food and water in you soon it could be disastrous. You moved your head slightly in approval, and he led you into your living room.

On the coffee table rested two bowls of what appeared to be chicken noodle soup, a package of saltine crackers, and two cups of water. As Onew sat you down on the couch, he explained: “I thought something light would be better. Anything heavier might make you sick, and you had plenty of soup in the cupboard, so I hope this was all right.”

You couldn’t keep your hands from shaking as you lifted the spoon to your lips. Out of the corner of your eye you could see that Onew was only eating every once in a while. He was far more focused on you and making sure you were actually eating. It was difficult, but you wanted to show him that you appreciated everything he had done for you, so you ate every last drop of your soup.

A slow warm feeling spread over you once you finished your glass of water. Now that you were clean, full, and hydrated again, you felt much better, but you still couldn’t shake the pit of dread and fear that had hung in your stomach for nearly two weeks now. It was growing larger by the second. In an effort to shake the feeling, you wrapped your arms around yourself and laid your head down on the couch, closing your eyes.

You heard the clink of your boyfriend setting his bowl down on the table and felt his hand rest on your arm. “Are you still okay, _____? Ready to talk yet? If not that’s all right, I just want you to know I’m here.”

Opening your eyes, you stared at the ground in front of you. “I want to talk so badly, Onew… But I don’t know what to say…. Everything’s such a mess right now and I can’t make any sense of it.”

You felt him reach for you, but he must have remembered your earlier words and backed off, leaving only his hand on your arm. Before he could pull away completely however, you leaned into him and rested your head on his chest. After a moment of surprise he wrapped his arms around you and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

At that moment the dam inside of you broke, and all the tears you had been unable to shed for the past few weeks poured out of you. Each strangled sob wracked your body, making you gasp for air. Normally you were a quiet crier, but you couldn’t help the wails that emanated from your throat. You knew Onew was shocked, but he quickly tightened his grip around you. One of his hands rested on the back of your head and you hear his voice softly humming to you.

You knew that after three days of solitude and sadness, the first human contact you had would make you break down. The fact that it was Onew made you fall to pieces even more. He had been gone for a few weeks now and you had missed him unbearably. Finally being in his arms again made you realize just how lonely you had been.

Somewhere along the way, you sobbed so much that you felt your stomach revolt and you had to rush to the restroom to dispose of your dinner. Onew followed and held your hair back as you retched into the toilet. After you had managed to stop your sudden upheaval, he carefully placed a cool rag on the back of your neck to help calm you down. The cloth helped immensely, allowing you to stop your tears for a bit and reassess your situation.

The main thing you noticed was that the front of Onew’s shirt was completely soaked from your tears. Immense guilt washed over you as you again realized you had just done something else to cause your boyfriend an inconvenience. “God, Onew, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Sshhh, it’s okay,” he whispered, stroking your cheek with his fingers. “I know you didn’t mean it, and it’s just a shirt. Are you feeling a little better now?”

You nodded as he sat down next to you, your backs leaned up against the towel cabinet. Onew twined his fingers with yours as you laid your head on his shoulder. His soft constant breathing relaxed you and nearly made you fall asleep. Still, you needed to do something first.

“I…I think I’m ready to talk,” you said apprehensively. Your boyfriend turned his head to meet your eyes before nodding solemnly to indicate that he was listening. “See, the thing is though… I don’t know what to say.”

“What do you mean, _____?”

“I want to talk about why I’m like this but I can’t articulate it. There’s no real explanation, it just happened.” You shifted your body so that you had both of your arms completely wrapped around his right arm. “I wish I could tell you how or why, but maybe if I knew that we wouldn’t even be in this position.”

Onew’s brow furrowed and he titled his head in though. “So nothing triggered it necessarily? Well… tell me how you feel.”

You sighed and began to explain to him how you got irrationally angry and sad over the smallest things until you couldn’t bear to deal with anything anymore. As you poured out what you could, you saw the creases of confusion on his face slowly began to change to creases of worry. When you had finished, he took a minute to process everything you had just told him.

“Do you think it might be depression then?” he asked, frowning. 

“I honestly don’t know. Maybe. I have moments where it seems like everything’s going to be okay and I really love my life, but then I turn right around and have to face this looming darkness and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s a constant roller coaster of contentedness, anger, and sorrow and I want the cycle to stop but I have no idea where I’m going. If it’s depression it’s not a constant thing like I thought it would be. I don’t know…”

Onew nodded, processing everything. “_____, I have no idea what you’re going through right now. I can’t even begin to imagine it. All I know is that you’re hurting, and damn it, I’m going to be here to get you through it.” He took my face in his hands so that I was forced to meet his eyes. “I’ll be here for everything, no matter how long it might take. I know it will be difficult, but I want you to promise me that you will let me help you through this. The thought of you going through this alone scares me more than anything, so please, don’t feel like you have to deal with this alone. Promise?”

You reached up with one hand to grasp the hand that lay against your cheek. “I promise, Onew,” you said, smiling a bit at how much he cared. The more you thought about it the more you wanted to cry, and you were afraid of starting the cycle again. Your boyfriend had already been through enough today.

Onew smiled at your promise, and chuckled a bit at the yawn that followed from you immediately afterward. “Are you tired, _____? I don’t blame you, you’ve had a long day. Let’s get you to bed.” Carefully he stood you up and walked you to your bedroom. He closed the door and let you change in peace before peeking back in to say goodnight.

“Will you stay with me?” you said before he could say anything else. He nodded solemnly, smiling a bit at the sigh of relief that escaped your mouth. As you climbed into bed, he took off his shoes and slipped in beside you. Softly you wrapped your arms around his torso, your head leaning against his chest. His heartbeat was so steady and strong that it was lulling you to sleep.

Onew kissed the top of your head as he held you, making sure not to move in any way that might make you uncomfortable. You could tell that he was exhausted from taking care of you, but he would never admit it. There was no end to your gratitude; having him here with his arms around you so tenderly made you realize that maybe you could beat this monster, whatever it was. Your grip on his shirt tightened and you whispered a faint “Thank you, I love you” into his chest.

Your lids grew heavy, and the last thing you heard before slipping into unconsciousness was “I love you too, _____. Sweet dreams my butterfly.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of angsty but a bit of fluff too. I apologize; I know this is not my best work but I'm working through some things right now and this was kind of a therapeutic thing to help me figure some things out. Also I'm an MVP and I hadn't written a scenario for Onew yet, which is a crime.


End file.
